having parents that were really angry and petty and abusive when you were young is weird, because it makes part of you grow up to want to be kind, to generate good things, to be a source of peace and wellbeing for others; but it makes another part of you grow up to be quick, and sharp, and spiteful, and that’s always the part that shows itself first in a hard situation, so it’s a struggle between your hateful gut reactions and your wish to not add any more misery to the world. it’s a hard balance, and the people who really, really know me – i know they see that anger flash in my eyes before i quiet it, if i quiet it…i want to overcome years of conditioning, and with gentle, constant force, i know i’ll mellow it. it just takes time.
Etikett: about astrid
russian classics aesthetic
Brothers Karamazov: orthodox monasteries, deep woods, starry nights, the sound of paper being torn, dimly lit rooms, withered roses, an unfinished letter, piles of books, the sound of shattering glass, ticking of clocks in a silent house, heavy wooden furniture, the air before a storm, the smell of earth, a crowd of people dressed in black, distant murmurs, emptied streets, the fear of walking alone in dusk
Crime and Punishment: coldness of the skin against a blade, slender pale fingers and slightly shaking hands, a red stain blooming on white fabric, lonely steps in a corridor, the slow dripping of water, looking out of the window into the thickening darkness, a single dying candle on the table, listening to one’s breath and counting heartbeats, too many stairs, the desire to be invisible, a subtle memory of kind word
The Idiot: classical statues, wealth covered with dust, a dark house tainted with inherited madness, an unsettling feeling, long walks in a park, useless chatter, a silken ribbon forgotten on a bench, a melancholic face, an unexpected spring rain, the joy of reading one’s favorite book, the clarity of mind after fully perceiving the world around, looking at cloudless sky
Anna Karenina: fields of crops, flowers brought from an early morning walk, the wind caressing a girl’s hair, a bowl of fruit, the smell of ripe pears, the clatter of a spoon against porcelain when stirring tea, children’s laughter coming from the garden, soft sunlight and white curtains, the sensation of velvet against skin, pearls from a ripped necklace spilling on marble floor, a sudden silence in a room full of people
War and Peace: a glass of wine, the brightness of a crystal chandelier, white lace, a raging snow storm, the sound of a door being gently closed, the moment of holding one’s breath before walking in a ball room, indulging in looking at a beautiful earring against light, the sound of a saber being drawn, closing one’s eyes for a moment while dancing, the sweet smell of strawberries, a pair of gloves left on an armchair, light scent of powder
The Master and Margarita: the chaos of a lively city, ambient jazz in expensive restaurants, jumping on a moving tram, the sight of Moscow from the roof of a house, yellow flowers in a vase, leaning out of the window, shelves stacked with books, a small tin box with old photographs, strange shapes in the night sky, laughing in the middle of the night on a balcony, colorful posters for a surreptitious magician’s show floating in the wind
Eugene Onegin: a lonely mansion, reading a book in the parlor, faint piano melody lingering in falling silence, long evenings, passing seasons, discussing french novels of the moment, unspoken thoughts, leaning against the door frame, quickly averted glance, eating a peach absent-minded, bright mornings, footprints in snow, a loud gun-shot terrifying a flock of birds nearby
A Hero of Our Time: byronic boredom, getting up late in the afternoon, the hidden unspeakable sadness of existence, shakespeare’s tragedy opened next to untouched breakfast, cigarette smoke, polished boots, walking with one’s coat wide open letting the night chill break through to the bone, carved wooden chair, fading warmth of the ashes late in the evening, the thought of farewell
Fathers and Sons: birch groves, morning mist, moss covered stones near a moor, scientific books, white roses, cheap champagne, shabby pocket-watch, light-hearted irony, a maladroit cello sonata, freshly mowed grass, leaving thoughts come and go, a slow yawn, picturesque plates and bowls filled with traditional dishes, drinking tea on the porch, longing for the future
Doctor Zhivago: a strange feeling of loss, writing poems in a diary, traveling by train, the hesitation before touching someone’s hand, the gaze of one lost in thought, the warmth of cinnamon, a scarf brightly embellished with flowers, a glass of water, two people listening each on the other side of the door, a threadbare jacket, the tempting void, the evanescent serenity of yesterday
Dead Souls: horses in a merry gallop, delicious smells mingled, grotesque and bizarre tragedy, luxurious attire cheap soul, masks, a perfumed love letter, the triumph of sarcasm, an unattached wheel rolling down a dusty road, the atmosphere of commedia dell’ arte, puzzling speeches, a baffling caricature drawn on a handkerchief
Cherry Orchard: a lone chair in an empty room, falling blossoms, old samovar, the unsettling need for change, a mirror reflecting full moon, the disappointment of a glossy object turning worthless after second glance, a piano out of tune
fake conversations in your head of you venting to someone
working through trauma by yelling at no one while driving alone
validating yourself by imagining situations where bad things happen to people and you save them
But whom could she lean upon? She asked that question of the wild autumn winds.
Things I Need:
1. An orgasm
2. Attention
3. $50,000
À bout de souffle, 1960
I need silence, and to be alone and to go out, and to save one hour to consider what has happened to my world,
Stromboli (1950), directed by Roberto Rossellini
🌼so i was tagged by my doll @silveraspens to answer 11 questions and then come up eleven new ones for the next person to answer so here we go!🌼
1. If you had the choice, would you spend one night with a musician of your choice while they were young and hot, or the rest of your life with them while they were old? (Also please say who you’d pick)
hard one!!! i mean a night of hot steamy sex with like robert plant or eddie vedder would be h e a v e n l y, but i crave emotional stability and some kind of constant affection… so i’m going to spend my life with old kirk, because he is kind, intelligent, funny, talented and lets be honest a total silver fox!
2. Would you live in a small cozy place with infinite fundings for travel, or would you live in a huge gorgeous mansion but never be able to go anywhere?
i would like to have a small place full of bric a brac, kind of like how my room looks now! here’s a photo of a small part of it x
3. Dogs or cats (or neither, gasp!)
cats! when i was little i was bitten by a big hunting dog and my grandmother had huge dogs around when i small and i remember that they barked a lot, scaring me and the smell was horrible! the smell of wet dog still makes me gag
4. Have you ever made a friend off tumblr and met in real life?
i do! my darling dear @pearlpill! and i hope someday to be able to meet my dolls @a-walk-on-the-moon and @damselcherie soon!
5. If you could choose any concert to go to throughout history, which one would you attend?
pete seeger gave a concert in 1980 and he recorded that concert and gave it out as an album called ‘sing a long sanders theatre’ and i wish i could’ve been there so bad!
6. Do you believe in true love/ a soulmate(s)?
yes kind of, at least soulmates! i don’t think everyone has a romantic soulmate(s) but i do think everyone has platonic soulmate(s)! i know i have lots of the latter!
7. Long or short hair?
on me or others? for me it’s long hair, it’s good for hiding! and everyone knows that men and boys with long hair are my life blood!
8. Shoes or no shoes?
i do have some issues with my feet, i think they’re ugly, and i absolutely looove shoes so i’m going to have to say shoes!
9. Mountains or ocean?
the ocean terrifies me and i really love the scenery of mountains! my dream is to have a little cabin in the mountains with a stream and lots of wildflowers where i can draw and sew!
10. Which band/artist do you think gets more praise than they deserve? (Can me modern or classic)
i have no idea, i’m so bad at this! like trying to throw shade at bands is really hard haha!
11. Is Stairway overrated?
nah! it’s g r e a t
alright here’s my questions!
🌼 1. favorite article of clothing and why? 2. if you had the opportunity and money where do you want to go? 3. a song(s) that moves you? 4. favorite song in a language that is not english? 5. give me three things that you like about yourself! 6. do you like watching series? if so do you have any favorites? 7. going to a place and just bask in the sun, eat ice cream and swimming all day or going to a big city and explore? 8. which famous person would you like to swap wardrobes with? 9. favorite smell(s)? 10. pet peeve(s)? 11. are you an artistic person, and if so how? 🌼
i’ll tag: @a-walk-on-the-moon @damselcherie @makedeathmybitch @flyinghetfield @pearlpill @blvcktoothgrin @platinumblondepallenberg
“Patience, patience, patience, was all she was finding in this windblown spring.”
— Clarice Lispector, from The Complete Stories: “The Buffalo,”